


Wolf Moon

by ranya_ni



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Non-Graphic Violence, Traditional Werewolf Lore, caleb deserves better lbr, characters working together, dealing (or not dealing) with past trama, does not contain spoilers, fantasy worlds really need therapy, molly is practical, nott is wonderful, werewolf Caleb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 06:31:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14443407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ranya_ni/pseuds/ranya_ni
Summary: A possible backstory tale featuring everyone's favorite wizard hobo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to those who have left comments and requested that I continue this piece. This is for you.

Caleb is eighteen when it happens.

His parents start a fund to get him to where he needs to be. To study. There is a great party in the small town by the ocean before he leaves. There is drinking and merriment and well wishers and everyone is so excited to see what he will become. 

That was the day Caleb met The Man (Caleb will not think The Man’s name. Not because he forgets it. He can’t forget it. But he will not think it.). The Man is handsome and fun and impressed by Caleb’s magic.

Perhaps we should travel there together, The Man says, I’m heading that way myself. Safety in number and all that.

Caleb remembers The Man’s uniform. The pins that mark him as a high-ranking officer. Remembers the smell of ale on The Man’s breath and white teeth smiling at him as the two of them lean together a little too close.

All right, Caleb says, The trip with you promises to be exciting at least.

 

It’s two days to the next town when it happens. 

They are walking down the road together, he and The Man. Off on the horizon the sun is setting. Just north of it is the smaller red moon over the mountains. The Moonweaver is not out to protect travelers tonight.

Wolf Moon, Caleb says, We should find somewhere safe to camp.

You have no idea, The Man laughs. 

There is a rumbling in his chest that Caleb didn’t notice before. It excites Caleb. The promise of something more from The Man. They find a small way-stop and pull out their bedrolls.

Caleb wakes at 9:51 pm because he is cold. His blanket is not on him. His legs are (don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it) There is pain. Something is over him. He can’t breathe for the large fist around his neck. 

Caleb begins to thrash out but his hands meet fur of all things. He pushes. Hard. There is laughter above him. He hears The Man’s voice. But it is Wrong. 

The Man begins saying things to Caleb, things he doesn’t want to hear. About how good he is and how tasty and how weak. Caleb is fighting harder. It hurts. He can’t scream. He finally remembers his magic. He burns The Man’s large furred shoulder with one hand.

The Man laughs again. The Man bites him.

Caleb is eighteen and it is 9:59 at night when he finally summons enough power, enough fire to kill The Man.

Something changes in Caleb. He can only see fire as The Man’s laughter turns to howls of pain. Caleb does not stop. He burns and burns and burns until there is nothing left of The Man. Caleb passes out in the ash.

Its 3:01 in the morning when Caleb wakes back up. The Wolf Moon is high over head, a red eye staring down at him. He is naked and covered in soot and blood and smells death all around him. He dresses in spare clothing and his favorite coat and packs his bags and nearly runs the two days to the nearest town.

Every night he is afraid The Man will be there again.

He does not sleep.

 

When he makes it to town he sees The Judge. He tells them what happens. He tells them what The Man is. He does not tell them what The Man did. He lies and says he burned The Man and The Man ran away.

Nonsense, they tell him, The Man is a respected officer.

We found the ash, they say, What did you do?

Nothing, Caleb cries. 

He cannot tell them. Cannot live through it again. (Every day he lives through it again. He cannot forget)

Lock him up, The Judge says, Until we find The Man and hear what he has to say.

(Caleb knows they will not find him. Caleb knows they do not believe him.)

That is the day Caleb stopped believing in the Empire.

He runs away. He runs and runs and hides. He prays it will go away. He knows it won’t. It was a day after The Man bit him that the bite completely healed. He knows what that means. He cannot see a healer. They will ask. He cannot tell.

He does not use magic again.

 

It is almost ten years later that he meets Nott.

Nott who knows what it’s like not to be accepted. Who knows what it’s like to hide. They work well together. 

She discovers his secret after a Bad Moon when he can’t get away in time and ends up changing in front of her. He does not hurt her, thank all the Gods, but he prowls around her and warns her not to run.

I won’t tell, she says, I’m not afraid.

Are you sure? He asks, I’ll understand if you do. If you are.

She shakes her head and asks him no questions. They sleep next to one another, curled up around his tail. He doesn’t know why he doesn’t want to bite her. The urge is usually too strong to travel with others. 

But he doesn’t and it’s a blessing.

 

Its almost six months later that he meets the Mighty Nein. He is guarded around them. He does not know them and cannot trust them. They do not know him but they work well together.

The coin makes me want to stay, he says to Nott.

(That’s what he tells himself. But he knows that the wolf inside him wants a pack. The wolf inside him can tell this team works well together, hunts well together.)

Fjord smells like the ocean near Caleb’s hometown and it’s hard on his nose. Beau smells like sweat and magic of all things. Jester smells like sugar and baked goods and secrets and it is relaxing. Yasha smells like the coming storm. He is not sure what to make of her. Nott smells like herself as always. Booze and metal and goblin.

Then there is Mollymauk Tealeaf.

He smells like blood and earth and Other.

It sets Caleb’s teeth on edge.

It makes his wolf want to hunt.

He will not let it out. It howls at him. Molly smells of earth and fire and death. The wolf wants to roll in it, mark its fur in it. Bite it.

He does not tell the others about it. They do not know. Nott watches over him in worry. He cannot tell her what his wolf says. He cannot make it Real. He will not be The Man.

 

Wolf Moon only occurs when the Moonweaver takes her rest in the night sky and the Blood Moon is at its fullest. It isn’t once a month. It’s isn’t even once every two months. It’s a dangerous time for Caleb. When he feels his wolf begin to push and himself begin to slip away.

It’s the next summer when it occurs next. Caleb is not having a good time of it as the Moonweaver gets smaller in the sky and her darker side gets larger.

Caleb wakes up in a sweat most nights leading up to it. At 3:01 in the morning every time. Nott sleeps next to him. She keeps his wolf calm. 

Tonight his wolf doesn’t want to be calm.

It wants to hunt. 

It wants to feed.

Caleb gets up and heads for the nearby stream, shedding layers as he goes. His skin feels too raw, too new. Too tight. Like another layer he needs to pull off. He steps into a pool in the stream. He starts scrubbing, trying to wash away the wolf (wash away the memory he cannot forget).

He hears someone approach, but his wolf tells him it’s not an enemy so he keeps scrubbing with the rag in his hand.

Wolf Moon, says the voice on the bank.

Caleb slowly turns his head and sees Molly looking up at the sky. His hands are in his pockets and his red eyes glow in the night air. In the sky the Blood Moon hangs like a menace, staring down at Caleb. 

Daring him to run.

No, Caleb corrects, it is tomorrow.

Molly turns to look at him. Caleb doesn’t know what he is thinking. Cannot read his thoughts. The others he is getting better at. Molly is still a Mystery.

Are you okay, Molly asks.

No, Caleb says and dunks his head underwater. 

The wolf does not like being underwater. That is why Caleb does it.

You’ve been extra quiet lately, Molly says, Do you want to talk about it?

Caleb doesn’t say anything. He can’t. He can’t tell anyone. Anyone.

He doesn’t realize Molly has gotten closer until there is a hand on his shoulder. His wolf reacts before Caleb realizes what is happening.

There is pain in his mouth and a snarl as he surges up and kisses Molly, pins him to the ground, hands grasping his wrists. He is rubbing against him, trying to make friction and his wolf thrilled at the hunt. Water splashes everywhere along the bank and Caleb feels fire rising in him and searing his lungs. The wolf wants this. Wants to take and take and feed and take.

Caleb stop, Molly says seriously.

Caleb stops.

There is a moment before Caleb throws himself backward, shaking. He will not be The Man. He will not, he can’t he can’t he can’t-- 

How long, Molly asks.

He is still laying where Caleb left him. The end of his tail is thumping. Worry or agitation, Caleb wonders. Molly is looking at him. Caleb cannot look back.

How long, Molly asks again.

Almost a decade, Caleb whispers.

Moonweaver help us, Molly swears.

Caleb brings his knees up and tries to make himself small. (He was almost The Man. What if next time he can’t stop. What if next time it’s worse.)

I’m sorry, Caleb says. He is crying.

I know, Molly says.

Molly sits up and there is water and blood on his shirt and for a moment Caleb is worried that he did bite him before he realizes the blood is his own. He can feel his teeth, long and sharp like Molly and Jester digging lines into his mouth. The blood makes the wolf in him restless.

Chains don’t work, Caleb whispers, I melt them.

Molly sighs.

I’m sorry, Caleb says again. He can’t see anymore. There is too much water in his eyes. 

I’m sorry.

Why me, Molly asks, why not Nott or Fjord.

Caleb wants to tell him. Be truthful he tells himself. Say what you mean.

You smell like blood, Caleb says.

What do you normally do, Molly asks, We’ll do that.

I sleep, Caleb says, I run.

Shit, Molly says. 

He knows. He knows that tomorrow night Caleb will not run. Will only stay in one place as long as Molly does. He will put the others at risk of infection if they get too close.

He does not want to be The Man.

We’ll figure something out, Molly says.

Don’t tell them, Caleb begs.

Molly looks at him for a moment, the red of the moon bright in his eyes. They stare at one another as Caleb cries quietly.

They are going to find out, Molly reasons, I won’t tell them. But you should.

I can’t, Caleb says.

He does not want to tell them about The Man.

We can find you a healer, Molly reasons, We are near enough to a town.

I’ve tried, Caleb says, It won’t work.

He had. After his first Wolf Moon he found a healer and begged her to fix him. She had done the spell and everything had seemed fine until the next Wolf Moon. Caleb had changed again and had killed a deer. It was worse than the first change in every way. Every time he tried to cure it, it seemed to get worse.

What do we need to do, Molly asks.

Caleb is surprised. He does not expect this answer. He does not expect Molly to be rational and helpful. Had only come to expect that from Nott. Caleb realizes Molly is used to being hated too.

He will not be The Man.

They come up with a plan then. They wake Nott up an hour later and tell her what they plan to do. She agrees. 

Anything to keep you safe, she says.

Caleb smiles for the first time in a long time. A real smile, not the ghost of one he usually fakes.

We’re having a talk after this you and I, Molly promises.

Caleb nods. 

The two of them leave the group. They go back the way they came, out into the wilderness. Nott will tell the others not to follow. Caleb hopes they listen to her.

 

Wolf Moon comes early the next night. They are alone the two of them. They do not build a fire. They don’t want people to see them. 

Caleb’s changes are painful for him. He knows some can shift beautifully. Has heard stories of those who can control it on a whim. Caleb is not one of them. He cannot choose when he is the wolf. There is blood and earth in his nose and he finds himself looking at Molly.

Run, he warns Molly.

No, Molly says.

Molly takes his shirt off to keep blood from getting anywhere. In case there is an accident. In case he has to fight Caleb. He lays down in the grass and stretches as Caleb tenses.

He does not want to be The Man.

He ends up over Molly, teeth glistening, claws sharp around his waist. Molly pretends to not care but Caleb can hear his heart thumping like a rabbits.

I want to chase you, Caleb growls.

Too bad, Molly says with a grin, I’m going to bed.

His wolf is not expecting this. His wolf want to be feared and fought. But Molly simply relaxes into Caleb’s grip and curls into him.

I want other things, Caleb’s wolf says.

No, Molly is firm, Another time maybe when I know it’s you asking.

I’m not sure what to say, Caleb says.

When you’re not like this, Molly says, when I know you can consent. Then we can do all those lovely things your brain is thinking up. Until then, these pants stay on. Got that?

Caleb does. 

He curls around Molly, his fur dark red like the moon. His wolf is not happy but not angry either. It pushes his nose into Molly’s throat and breathes deeply. It smells blood and fire and earth. The two of them lay together like that the rest of the night.

It is 3:02 in the morning and Caleb is not The Man. 

It is not fixed, Caleb knows, but it might be. One day he might lay like this and it might be better. 

Caleb has not dreamed of better since he was eighteen. 

Caleb sleeps.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are four Wolf Moons that year.
> 
> Caleb wonders if this is punishment for thinking things would get better. Or just the universe's idea of a joke. 
> 
> He wonders if he will every grow used to the change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for the feedback and comments. Enjoy a continuation. Now with quotation marks!

There are four Wolf Moons that year.

Caleb wonders if this is punishment for thinking things would get better. Or just the universe's idea of a joke. 

He wonders if he will every grow used to the change.

The first one goes well, with Mollymauk tucked in at his side. He feels the earth move under him and Molly's heart beating a steady rhythm to sleep to. 

He wakes with Molly petting his fur where it grows backwards at his shoulder and neck. Where he was bit. Molly does not ask about it. Caleb does not explain.

It is 8:34 in the morning and he will stay a wolf until the moon sets tonight. The Blood Moon crosses the sky twice a full moon. Once at night. Once during the day. He cannot change back until it releases him.

He does not think about The Man. 

He rests until Molly's stomach growls and then he surges upward to hunt. 

"I have food," Molly says.

"Stay put," the wolf answers.

It does not take long to find what he is looking for. At night the creatures of the woods are smart enough to stay away from him like this. During the day they all lay down to rest. They forget he hunts now too. The wolf can smell them. 

The wolf finds a young buck. It hunts.

When Caleb returns, mouth dripping blood, Molly has built a fire.

"This is for you," Caleb says presenting half a deer.

Molly looks at what is left of the deer and at Caleb’s wet mouth and says nothing. His mouth is thin. He cooks. He eats.

The wolf is not pleased. It has hunted. It has presented the kill before it's chosen. Why does Molly not rejoice at its skill and offering?

Caleb pushes down on the wolf, trying to get control. The wolf pushes back. It growls and fights him in his mind. He is too tired and the wolf is too strong to fight it for long. It surges like the swelling moon and ends up standing over Molly, golden eyes intent on this creature of dirt and fire and blood. 

Molly ignores it and tends the fire. He pulls out his cards and flips through them.

The wolf is annoyed but backs down to rest its great head on Molly's shoulder.

"That's better," Molly says and pets Caleb’s nose.

The day passes like this. Molly keeping busy and Caleb keeping watch. They do not travel. The others do not come to find them. 

Caleb is not The Man.

At 1:09 in the afternoon Caleb hunts another deer. He tries to remember what he was taught as a child and only hunts bucks. When he comes back, he brings Molly the antler rack this time.

Molly admires it, turning it this way and that.

"Very pretty," he says, "what should we turn this in to?"

Caleb shrugs. He is not well versed in craft making. His wolf did not know it could become other things. It will find more things for Molly to play with in the future.

Molly smiles and gets to work.

It takes him the afternoon but he makes a necklace out of leather and bone and fur. It smells like death. Like Molly. Caleb’s wolf is pleased.

They speak some. About nothing of importance. The weather and their favorite sweets and what prank they think Jester will come up with next. Molly lightly reminds Caleb he will have to tell the others. He pretends to ignore it. 

Time passes.

It is 6:57 at night when the Wolf Moon finally dips below the horizon and Caleb feels pain.

His bones break and twist back into their old shape and his wolf retreats. 

He is on his knees in the middle of a field with his hands digging into the dirt. He is not dressed. He smells blood.

He vomits.

It takes time for the deer to come up. Things his wolf can eat but he can't. He is sweating and shaking by the time he is done.

Molly is holding his hair back.

When Caleb is finish Molly hands him the bone necklace.

"This is for you," Molly says.

"I..thank you," Caleb says.

It is long on Caleb. He suspects it is supposed to big enough that it will not choke him when he changes. 

He gets dressed.

Molly give him water to rinse his mouth with.

They walk the long trek back to everyone else. They are halfway there when Molly stops him. 

"Can I kiss you," Molly asks.

"Why would you want to," Caleb asks in horror.

"Can I?" Molly asks again.

Wordlessly, Caleb nods.

The kiss is not like the one at the stream. It is sweet and wanted. It is heavy and needy. It is safe. Caleb is shaking when they part.

He has not kissed someone in a long time.

He decides Molly is very good at kissing.

Molly smiles at him and winks and walks on. Caleb thinks maybe he is shaking too.

 

 

The Mighty Nein greet them with cheers when they get back. 

"Cay-leb," Jester says in her song voice, "Were you two out having sex?"

Caleb feels heat rise in his face. He sits down next to Nott who pats his hand. Jester tilts her head upside down to look at him.

"Were you?" Jester asks.

"Leave it," he says. His voice is hoarse.

Beau and Fjord exchange a look out of the corner of his eye.

He does not tell them. 

Molly does not kiss him again.

 

The second Wolf Moon is not as good. It is a month later. Molly and Caleb are making plans to leave the little town they are staying in. They will leave before the moon rises. Nott will not go with them.

Molly is mad at him, Caleb thinks. He thinks he can tell. 

He cannot meet Molly's eyes. 

They are in the town square about to head west when they hear it. A great bell is tolling somewhere. 

The ground trembles beneath their feet.

To their right a building catches fire.

"Bandits," a woman running past them says, "they came back with that necromancer of theirs!"

Molly is drawing his blade.

Caleb looks at Molly. He looks behind him where his freedom lays.

"I can't," Caleb says.

"Better now than never sweetheart," Molly says as he draws the blade across the back of his neck.

He is moving forward towards the sounds of shouts and people running.

Caleb's heart is pounding. 

He can't do this. He can't show them what he is. What he becomes.

They will ask questions. Ones he can't answer.

He can't tell anyone.

His wolf is howling in his head. It wants out. It feels the moon about to rise. It wants blood.

Caleb clutches his head and crouches down into a ball. All he can hear his heart in his ears as people run by. His bones are beginning to creak against the strain of staying human. (He can't, he can't, he can't)

He takes off his coat and wraps it around his books before tucking them in the corner of a building. He can't finish undressing before he hears his clothing tear.

Bones break. Reform. Fur appears. It hurts just as badly as the last time.

(Please don't kill anyone innocent, he prays)

His wolf rises with a terrible howl to the moon. 

Someone screams.

Caleb feels sick (don't hunt them please, please, please).

His wolf ignores the townsfolk and tracks Molly. It has one goal in mind. Caleb feels relief. His wolf feels excitement. 

Molly is with the rest of the Mighty Nein at the front of the fray. There are men in rough leathers with weapons. They are cutting down some villagers and dragging others away. One of them swings at Molly who ducks out of the way, hissing in infernal.

The wolf goes after that one first.

Caleb feels the head in his mouth and the way it pops in his jaws like a grape as he bites down. The bandit goes limp. The wolf shakes the body in his jaws for good measure before spitting it out and pouncing on the next enemy.

It leaps from raider to raider, crushing them. Tearing them apart. The fire around it does not hurt. It feels like a welcome home. 

(Each enemy is The Man to the wolf and it kills them all with a vengeance)

Caleb hears laughter only to realize it is him.

There is a point of pain on his chest and he looks down at the crossbow bolt in his chest. The wolf laughs again, teeth flashing

"Holy shit," Beau says from behind him somewhere.

Caleb and the wolf scale the building and crush the bowman with one hand. The wolf tears into them with its teeth and feeds.

Caleb feels a rush.

Caleb feels sick.

In the back there is a man who is casting a spell. The wolf doesn't care about magic hurting it and leaps down before the caster. The wolf places it wide jaws around the man.

"Caleb stop," Molly says.

Caleb stops.

He feels the mage trembling in his mouth. He hears the mutters of horror from his companions. He let's go and grabs the man by the shoulder and drags him to the Mighty Nein.

Nott has soot on her brow and her mouth is a hatchet line of disapproval. Or disgust. Caleb is not able to tell in his blood frenzy. 

Beau is wide eyed in horror. She backs up as he approaches, body tense and ready to attack.

Fjord's eyes are wide as well. He looks awed. Caleb does not like that look. Many people with that look ask to be bitten. They do not realize what a horror changing is. They only see power.

Jester watches Caleb as he approaches. She must like what she sees because she smiles.

"Cay-leb," she sings, "is this what you were hiding? You should have said something!"

Her voice is strained but she slowly steps forward and reaches out a hand to him.

Caleb bows down and presses his nose to her hand. She is shaking. She smells like smoke and burned pastries. He turns back to Molly.

"Right," Molly says to their new prisoner, "tell us what you know."

He does not look at Caleb.

Caleb aches.

 

They all question the mage. Whenever he tries to lie the wolf gives him a little shake and growls. They find the location of a lair. Something is in there. It is hungry.

The wolf is also hungry. It is eyeing the mage and licks at the blood on its muzzle. 

"Let me eat him," the wolf says. It speaks in Caleb’s voice.

Molly frowns up at him.

"Are you hungry as well?" Molly asks.

"Yes," the wolf replies, "lately I am always hungry."

Jester frowns, looking at the blood on her hand from his nose.

"Something is happening to monsters Molly," she says, "The devil toad was hungry too. And the manticore."

Nott tears her eyes from Caleb at looks to Jester.

"That book in the ruins talked about endless hunger too," Nott says.

"The great wurm. The world eater," says Fjord, "but it was sealed away post Divergence."

"Let me eat," the wolf demands.

It does not care about necromancers or gods. It is hungry.

Molly eyes Caleb. He looks to the others.

"We'd have to kill the necromancer anyway," Fjord says.

"Okay Cay-leb. You can eat him," says Jester.

The wolf looks at Molly.

Molly slowly nods.

It is not a pretty sight. Caleb does not think he will sleep well after this.

There is very little left when he is done.

"Cay-leb," Jester sings at him, "do you need healing?"

The wolf looks down at the arrow in its chest. It hooks it's teeth around the bolt and rips. The arrow shatters in its jaws as it comes free.

"Holy shit," Beau says again.

 

Caleb sits in the woods outside of town while the Mighty Nein help put out the fires. He does not know what they tell the villagers about the great beast that appeared suddenly and killed everything. He isn't sure he wants to know.

Nott comes to him first.

She climbs up onto his lap and begins cleaning his wound. She does not say anything. The wolf curls around her. It will protect her. It will protect them all.

It wants to hunt again.

The moon is angry in the sky. The smoke from the fire makes it big and red.

The wolf waits for the group to arrive before it leads them to the caves. Even with the ash and smoke in the air it can smell the fear. Fear is an easy smell to follow.

It is a messy fight (Caleb stays away from bandits with hostages so he doesn't make a mistake).

The wolf feeds.

In the deepest part of the cave is a monster that the wolf does not know. It is as large as he is.

His wolf enjoys killing it.

After the fight it tears away at the corpse (Caleb tries not to think about it as he feeds and feeds and feeds).

'That's enough," says Molly.

The wolf pulls away from the feast and follows him, nuzzling the back of his neck in apology.

They are talking about things they have found. Caleb cannot track it. The wolf is full now and wants to sleep.

It licks the cut on the back of Molly's neck.

Molly sighs but does not push away.

They go back to the town. Caleb stays in the woods. Nott stays with him.

Molly does not.

He does not sleep well.

 

At 3:01 in the morning he wakes. 

He wonders if this is the beginning of turning into The Man. Sliding into it slowly by inches instead of all at once.

He does not go back to sleep.

 

Molly arrives with the others an hour after dawn. Beau stops short seeing him.

"He's still a wolf," Beau says.

Caleb huffs.

Molly explains the finer points of what is involved to change back while Jester pets Caleb behind the ears. His wolf likes this.

"Cay-leb," Jester says, "can I sit on your shoulder? You are so tall now!"

He nods. She climbs up onto his shoulder and he stands to his full hight. Jester gives a shriek of delight. She wraps her arms around his neck. 

Caleb has not been hugged in a very long time.

It's nice.

Molly and Beau are in an arguement and Fjord is trying to mediate. Beau does not trust Caleb like this. He cannot blame her. He does not trust himself either.

They spend the day talking about theories. What the hunger could mean. Beau does not sit with him. Molly does. Jester mends tears in their clothing while Fjord tries to ask probing questions. The wolf gives a silent warning growl they can feel through their shoes and puts it's head in Molly's lap, nosing cards out of its way.

He can't tell Fjord.

He can't tell any of them.

 

When he turns back he is shaking badly and his clothing is ruined.

He retches.

Nothing comes up.

It's been too long. Mage and monster have been digested. Caleb retches again. He tries to throw up again and again and again. There is nothing in his stomach. He starts crying and pulling at his hair as he remembers the crunch of a skull in his mouth (like so many things he cannot forget it).

Jester puts her cloak over his shoulders as he sobs. He is clawing at himself in grief.

Molly gently catches his hands.

"No," Molly says.

"Please don't let me do that again," Caleb whispers.

"Alright," Molly agrees.

Beau and Fjord are watching off to one side and talking quietly to one another. Beau looks sad. Fjord looks worried. Caleb wants to claw at his insides to scrape out everything he has eaten (He can feel the way people taste on his tongue forever now).

They take him back to the inn. His coat and books are on his bed. 

Molly tucks him in.

"Get some rest," Molly says.

"Please don't leave," Caleb says.

Molly hesitates.

He scoots Caleb over in his bed and crawls in with him. He drapes his tail over Caleb's waist.

"You should sleep," Molly says.

"I killed those men," Caleb sobs.

"To be fair," Molly says, "they would have killed you if you hadn't."

Molly kisses his forehead. Caleb changes the angle and they are kissing one another. It tastes like salty tears and ash. Caleb doesn't want to pull away. He weaves his fingers in Molly's hair and tries to push their bodies closer together.

Molly pulls away.

"Not that I'm not flattered," Molly says, "but you are not really in the right mind for that sort of carrying on."

"Please," Caleb whispers.

"No," Molly says, "that isn't fair to you."

Caleb presses his head into the hallow of Molly's throat.

He cries. 

They lay together a long time after that. Caleb smells death and blood and dirt and fire off of Molly. 

"I'm sorry," Caleb finally manages to say.

"What for?" asks Molly.

"I didn't tell them," says Caleb, "I know you were mad about that."

There is a heavy pause.

"I wasn't mad," says Molly, "I was trying to give you space. I wasn't sure if you still wanted to be near me after that. You seemed...upset. If you don't want to talk about your past, fuck it and don't. Telling people is only to keep them safe, fuck the rest."

Caleb can't breathe all of the sudden.

The bed seems smaller and he can can hear his heart beating loudly. His hands are fisted in Molly's coat.

He didn't think of this. Tell them of the danger but nothing else. Say fuck it. Bury The Man once and for all.

It's 10:31 pm and Caleb can feel blood rushing to his face.

"Will you kiss me?" Caleb asks.

There is another pause.

Molly gently kisses Caleb on the eyelids. On the nose. On the mouth. He is tender and demands nothing. Caleb feels butterflies in his stomach. He didn't know kisses could be this nice either. 

He is not The Man.

 

There are questions the next day from the rest of the group. Deep uncomfortable questions that make him upset. Questions he will not answer. He tells them what he told Molly. 

He did not choose this. He cannot be cured. He has been like this for a long time. The rest he takes Molly's advice on and refuses to answer. 

Beau is angry. For him or at him, he cannot say.

Fjord tells him he understands that a situation like this can be difficult to deal with and they will be there for him when he is ready.

Jester asks if he ever gets fleas.

"No," he tells her.

"Well that's something," Beau grumbles.

Nott gives Beau a look and tells her that everyone has secrets they should be allowed to keep. Caleb tunes out the beginnings of their arguement. 

The group moves on.

 

The third change is that autumn. The Moonweaver is slow to vanish from the sky. Caleb is grateful. The Blood Moon is a small angry eye at night. It knows patience. It can wait.

Caleb and Molly spend this change out in a glade. There is a small pond nearby and the wind off the water helps keep them cool.

The sky is clear and dark. It is a lovely night out.

Caleb is not enjoying it.

He is crouched over in pain as the moon rises and his bones break once again. They snap and twist unto unnatural shapes before the red werewolf is standing before Molly once again.

"You are filthy," Molly says.

The wolf tilts it's head.

"Cute," Molly says, "But you are still gross. I want to lay next to you and that is not happening right now."

He leads the wolf to the pond. It doesn't have a problem with water (as long as it's head does not go under). 

It is 7:15 and Molly begins to ready things to wash Caleb. He has soap with him. And a brush. This was clearly planned.

Molly undresses near the shoreline and Caleb looks away. He cannot blush as a wolf. Molly's clothing is neatly hung off a tree.

He climbs into the water after Caleb, wetting the soap and brush.

"Right," say Molly with grim determination, "where shall we start?"

It is pleasant in a fashion. Caleb is not used to being bathed by someone else. The wolf does not mind it. 

Time passes.

They are both throughly soaked by the time Molly is done (Caleb trying his best to keep his head dry) and the wolf grabs Molly around the waist and holds him by the the thighs.

(Molly cannot reach his legs all the way around his waist in this form, he notices)

Molly laughs but it's breathless and he is blushing a deep indigo. His tail is wrapped around one of Caleb's forearms. His fingers are petting Caleb’s chest. Caleb can feel his heart beating faster.

Caleb and the wolf want this very much. Not grasping and tearing like before. Something soft. Something freely given.

He licks the scars at Molly's throat. Molly moans.

"You're being naughty," Molly says, "ask me again tomorrow night."

"I don't know if I'll be brave enough to," Caleb says.

Molly kisses him on the snout and taps his chest.

"Ask me again then," he says.

They go back to their makeshift camp. Caleb feels a sort of warmth he has not felt before. A confidence he has not felt before. Strength in the knowledge that he is being accepted.

They pass the night with Molly telling outrageous stories about some of the people he met while traveling with the circus. Some of it might even be true.

Caleb sleeps.

 

They wake at 8:52 in the morning and they are pressed close to one another. Molly's fingers are buried in the fur near his throat to keep them warm against the chill of dawn. For once, Caleb is not afraid.

The day passes slowly. It is hot and the air is thick. They go to the pond to cool off until the mosquitos prove to be too much. 

Caleb lays in the dirt in the shade to keep cool. Molly tells his fortune (Good with the chance for great things in the future) Caleb wonders how much of it is made up.

Caleb does not hunt. It is too hot. He eats from their rations but is not hungry.

When the moon dips down on the second night he has nothing he needs to throw up. The necklace around his throat swings freely as his bones crack back into place.

Caleb does not ask for him that night.

Molly does not push.

When they return to the others Molly sits near him so that their little fingers are barely brushing. Caleb is distracted for the rest of the night. His cheeks are burned from the hot weather and he carefully pushes his hand further against Molly's so that their fingers link. 

Molly looks over at him curiously. Caleb thinks he might be blushing. 

Molly is blushing too.

 

The final moon is in the dead of winter. 

In the days leading up to it Yasha joins them again. She comes in the night, red moon a halo behind her. Caleb is not on watch. He is the first to greet her anyway.

The Wolf Moon does not let him sleep. There are no streams for him to scrub away his guilt. 

The others watch him with increasing worry. They speak to him but he is too busy fighting the wolf to answer most of the time. When their eyes flick up to the sky it is everything he can do not to growl.

Molly often sits near him. So does Nott.

He can hear laughter in his mind when he tries to sleep. It tells him how good and tame he is. It tells him how fragile he is. He thinks it is right. 

While waiting for Nott to come back from scouting Caleb finds himself next to Molly. The smell of fire and death fills his lungs. He puts his nose in Molly's throat without thinking.

He can hear growling.

It's him. He is growling.

Yasha firmly puts her hand on Caleb's shoulder and Caleb finds his fangs growing again. He turns and snaps at Yasha.

Yasha blinks at him slowly.

He only smells the storm from her. Even her heartbeat is steady.

"I'm sorry," Caleb whispers. He realizes he's grabbing Molly's arm roughly and let's go.

Yasha nods.

They explain what he is to her. He does not answer her deeper questions but she does not seem upset.

After that, Yasha sits with him too.

 

Before the final day of the Moonweaver's journey through the sky Molly and Caleb leave the group. They head south, to the wilds. The air is cold and harsh for Caleb. He feels like he fighting for every breath.

Darkness comes quickly that evening. The Wolf Moon rises without compassion. 

Caleb is bent over in pain as the familiar snap and twist of his bones begins. He is breathing heavily when his looks up at Molly with his now golden eyes.

Molly smiles at him.

Caleb's heart aches.

They cuddle up close together against the cold and wind in a tent that barely holds the two of them. Molly is pressed against his chest in a way that makes his wolf excited.

It makes Caleb excited too. 

He presses his wet nose to the back of Molly's neck and Molly let's out a shriek from it. He half turns and thumps Caleb's chest as punishment. 

"That's cold!" He scolds.

Caleb stopped listening. He is listening to the mad thumping of Molly's heart in his chest when he presses them closer together.

"I want to be with you," Caleb says.

Molly stills.

"Why don't you then...," he asks, "...after?"

Caleb tries to look away but Molly turns around fully and pushes his snout to look at him.

"Afterwards you always go back to pretending nothing is happening between us," Molly says, "Not that I don't enjoy a good time, but you're not communicating and I need communication for this to work."

Caleb breathes in.

Molly's eyes, red like the moon, stare at him.

Caleb let's out the breath in a rush.

He pulls Molly impossibly closer, until one of Molly's legs is slung over his hip and his fingers are tangled in his fur. Caleb rests his head on top of Molly's.

Caleb speaks.

He tells Molly about the town he grew up in. About his parents who probably wonder what happened to their son. He tells him about his childhood.

Then (haltingly) Caleb tells him about The Man.

Molly does not interrupt but his posture stiffens and his tail thumps against the ground in agitation. He grips Caleb's fur tightly.

Caleb tells him about the wolf inside him and his fears of becoming The Man. He tells him about how when he is the wolf he feels powerful and he feels sexual and he feels confident and he hates it.

He even tells him what The Man said to him.

Afterwards, Caleb feels empty.

More importantly, Caleb feels like he has taken a moment to set down a very terrible weight from his shoulders. Like there was a snare around his throat until now and he has finally been freed of it.

There is silence in the tent for a long time. Molly buries his face in Caleb's fur.

Molly tells him about waking up in another man's grave.

He tells Caleb about digging out of a shallow hole in the ground. About remembering things he doesn't know how he knows. About Empty.

"We're a right pair, the two of us," Caleb laughs. It feels hollow like his insides.

Molly is looking at him.

"Thank you," Molly says.

"For what?" Caleb asks.

"For all of it."

Molly kisses the side of his snout.

Caleb rolls onto his back, taking Molly with him so Molly is straddling him. Molly's breath hitches and Caleb can hear his rabbit heartbeat again.

"Stay?" Caleb asks.

Molly nods and draws his shirt over his head.

They touch each other for a time, simply learning the shape of the other's body. It's not even completely sexual the way they touch. Mostly Caleb enjoys knowing were Molly's scars are. Where the soft and hard parts of his skin are.

Molly's heart is going impossibly fast and his eyes are wide.

Carefully he rocks forward to the balls of his feet and back against Caleb. 

Caleb feels a rush of blood and grips Molly tight around the hips.

They stare at one another.

Molly splays his hands on Caleb's chest and rocks again. 

The wind howls outside. In the tent the cold disappears. 

Caleb carefully leans up and licks Molly's chest and throat. Molly moans and rocks again.

It is not long before Molly steps off Caleb to undo his pants and boots and pull something from his pack in the dark. Caleb smells the oil before it is uncorked.

The wolf knows what is coming and waits. For once it is patent. 

Molly is on his hands and knees, fingers working in himself. He is wimpering and panting.

Caleb flexes his hands and watches.

It is beautiful.

Molly is shaking and sweating by the time he is ready. Caleb carefully moves over him so as not to tip the tent. He licks the sweat from the back of Molly's neck. He places his hands on Molly's hips and nuzzles him.

"May I?" Caleb asks. 

Molly nods. His hair is a mess.

Caleb works in slowly. Molly gasps and it turns into a loud moan. He pushes back into Caleb. His arms are shaking and his tail is wrapped around one of Caleb's arms again.

By the time they are skin to skin Molly is coming undone in a beautiful way. He is panting in small bursts. His jewlery is chiming with the trembles of his back.

Caleb feels a swell of pride that this is because of him.

His wolf feels it too.

They move slowly together. Molly is completely covered by Caleb but does not seem to mind. He reaches back with one hand to lace fingers with Caleb’s.

They are loud, the two of them. Moving together and coming undone together. Caleb makes sure to go slowly. He knows he is dangerous at this size.

Molly comes mid stroke with a throaty cry. His whole body shaking and clenching around Caleb and Caleb pushes against him urgently. He pumps slowly against Molly and feels swelling below.

Molly cries again and pushes back. He is completely wrecked and is only being held up by Caleb.

Caleb feels his heart beating faster and a tightening in his legs and chests as he moves. He hears Molly's cries of pleasure and it's enough to tip him over the edge.

Caleb comes.

Afterward they are tied together. Caleb's wolf waits and does not force them to seperate. Molly tries only once and the pressure causes him to come again with a loud cry.

Caleb waits.

When they do seperate Molly is boneless and limp in his arms. They try to clean up the best they can but it is a half hearted attempt.

Molly sleep on Caleb's chest.

Caleb does not wake that night.

He dreams of fire and blood and earth. He dreams of Molly.

 

 

In the morning they try again. 

Molly straddles him and sinks down slowly with a groan. He is shaking and flushed a deep indigo in the early morning light.

Caleb sets the pace slightly faster than the night before and it takes very little time for the two of them to come again. They are sweaty and sore when they finish. Molly jokes that he may never walk again.

They talk as Caleb takes their things to a stream to wash them.

He notices that Molly cannot walk a straight line.

Caleb smiles.

The day is short and cold and they spend most of it pressed against one another in the tent talking. They talk about what they want in life. Where they want to go and what they want to see. Molly turns to him in the early evening before the sun has set.

"You know you'll never be like The Man, right?" Molly asks.

Caleb pulls into himself. 

"You can't know that," Caleb says.

"Actually, I can," Molly says.

"How?" Caleb asks. 

Molly smiles and taps him on the snout. 

"Easy," Molly says, "The fact that you don't want to be anything like him already sets you apart. I don't think he had any problem being who he was. You care. You care who gets hurt and why. That makes you fundimentally different than him."

Caleb is quiet for a long time.

"Do you really think so?" He asks finally.

"Yes," Molly says, "If you were like him you wouldn't consider what happened to you bad. You would do it to others. You aren't like him. You are just you. Just Caleb."

"Just me," Caleb echoes. He looks down at Molly.

"If it helps," Molly says practially, "I'll let you know if you start to slip."

A heavy weight comes off Caleb's chest. The second one in so many hours. 

Maybe he isn't like The Man.

Maybe his is a victim of circumstances. Maybe one day he can see that what has happened to him has made him stronger so that the next time there is someone like The Man, Caleb will be there to stop them. Maybe if he leans a little on Nott and Molly he won't feel so alone and he can heal.

One day.

Caleb tucks Molly in against his chest and let's out a great rush of air.

There will be other Wolf Moons. Other monsters to fight and nights away from the group. There will be nights he cannot trust himself and nights he is happy.

As the moon dips below the horizon Caleb shifts back until it is just him and Molly laying in a tent together. They hold hands as they get comfortable for the night.

If Molly sees the grateful tears in his eyes he says nothing.

Finally, Caleb sleeps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with any artist, comments and kudos are appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a fic? So I'm sorry if this isn't particularly good or coherent. Thanks to @mandarts for the beta. As with any writer, kudos and comments are appreciated.


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